Why do we shy to be ourselves?

The question is deep rooted, each of us want to be ourselves, but we suddenly start giving in to the external world...what if they think i'm this way, what if i am perceived to be this way, what if???????..."the what if" question continues into infinity and in the process we put up an image that is not the real us.

We look for happiness outside, when the true happiness lies within. My friend once mentioned, that i didn't fail in an exam, because failure was never a choice in my head. It took a long time to really understand this and comprehend. Every moment presents itself with a choice, a choice we make either knowingly or unknowingly.

We love to slam the world or society as hypocritical, think about it...are we not? We love to watch porn movies when we are teens (and later ;))or even explore our sexuality, but how many of us would let our kids who are in their teens watch a porn movie or educate them about sexuality as a biological process? I remember one of very close uncle mentioning that he is happy his son is dating a girl and we are not really concerned about the religion etc. It's a great leap for their generation as people were bound and judged by religion, caste, sub-caste etc in India. The question i have is are we ready to accept our child being a homosexual or a bisexual?

My ex-girlfriend and i used to have this discussion, "whats the difference between a marriage and live in"...the only difference we could gather is the legal and social acceptance in case of marriage as against live in, but everything else remains more or less the same. Surely it's a matter of debate, but are we happy for live ins, but how many of us think this way???

In a society where carnal pleasure rules the mind, and a recession triggers an uptrend in babies, are we really geared up to accept kids born to biologically different parents as ours. Are we geared up to a test tube baby or with a sperm donor etc or we think why have babies at the first place. Everyday we read in  the newspapers & love to follow our celebrity from hollywood or bollywood or any other wood ;)but when it comes to adoption or radical different thought, not all of us think it's our thing, we love to think it's a celebrity stuff.

I loved reading "My experiments with truth" by MK Gandhi, it's takes balls to write what he has written, we love to criticize every1, but to follow something like "noble silence" (where we don't communicate in speech, actions and thoughts) is quite a challenge. Try it for 5 minutes and you will realize it's not remotely easy to tame your mind. We don't look for good things in people, but try to find faults. It's become our nature to find faults. Even God's were not spared, let alone humans. The question is not about right or wrong, the question is are we willing to adopt any of the good principles taught by any1 in this world, human or god or animal, whether respected or criticised or not even known. Why not choose the best of all people we like and make our way....so what if it meant a Gandhi or a Theresa or an extremist like Hitler or Mussolini.

I remember the days when people used to think i am crazy to read Gandhi, unfortunately today we have indian rupee notes and roads named after Gandhi, but none of his principles or thoughts being followed. What's the use of such following, where the crux is ignored. We love to have a dry day, when most of the people don't agree with his way.Let me tell u, i love some of his preaching, but do not subscribe to the idea of dry day.

At every moment of life we are the ones who define our boundaries, yet we criticize the society to the world at large...and then we hope that someday we would live ourselves. C'mmon now is the time, fuck what others think of you, just be yourself, as you are beautiful as you are.

Trust me; the moment you live yourself, is the best and cherish able moment of your life as you are not pretending, you are being yourself for right or wrong, good or bad....n remember not every1 does that.

Live life as you love to...n u wuld live many lifetimes together.

Is Truth momentary?

Have any of these questions risen in your mind. As adults we know or expected to know what the truth is. The question is do we really know what truth is?

Here are some questions if it has not come to your mind already,may be just to ponder over.

• Is truth momentary?


• Is truth really bitter?


• Can truth be different to two or more people at the same time?

Lets take them one by one -

1. Is truth momentary ?

Now let's take another instance - say you have a headache, (am sure we all have had headache sometime in our life, just imagine it was severe) and all your efforts to do other things, including watching ur favorite television show to relaxing to shopping to anything u wanna stretch the imagination to are all overshadowed by pain (at best it could be varying degree of reaction, some less, some a li'l more). But the truth of the moment is you are feeling the pain in and around your head. Is it going to last forever...hell no. Now let us say you have an aspirin and your headache is not felt severely, it means at that point in time this is the reality or truth.

2. Is truth bitter?

Let's take an example of a straight married couple wanting to have a child and are open to boy and girl with equal eagerness. Visualise or imagine a scene where the wife has just delivered a baby, husband and wife, family and friends are feeling overly joyous on the arrival of the kid. This is the truth which manifests in the form of happiness.

Now let's extend the same example, imagine an indian rural family where a girl child is regarded as a curse, the whole family is awaiting boy child and there is a baby girl. Do i need to speak of the reactions.

The truth is never bitter or happy, it's what we associate with truth makes it a happy or sad outcome.

3. Can truth be different to different people?

If statistics is to be believed, every second/s to less than a minute there is a child born. Let's see the reaction for a child just born, healthy, normal.

• A child born to a stranger, we would be indifferent.


• A child born to an acquaint, we will express happiness.


• A child born to our close friend or family, happiness would be more.


• Our child...the happiness is beyond all measures.

We fit into each of the above category every second, when we are having a child, lot of people are strangers, some are friends, some may just know us. So for the same moment you would have different reality.

Dassera celebrations

Dassera, is a festival celebrated in different parts of India, marks the conquest of good over evil.

There are many legends of the festival - Some trace it to Ramayana - on this day Rama (beleived by many as God, in a nutshell the Hero of this epic ;-)) killed the demon Ravana (anti hero of the epic)and achieved a triumphant victory over the demons. Rama worshipped Goddess Durga just before the battle with the demon Ravana started. Rama worshipped Shami tree on this day just before proceeding to Ayodhya.

Then some trace it 2 Mahabharata, the second pillar of Indian mythology, where Pandavas (5 heroes of their times) spent thirteen years in exile. During the last year of Agnyaat-vaas (living incognito), they had hidden their arms in the Shami tree. This is the day, their agnynat-vaas was over and they had taken out their arms from the Shami tree and revealed their identity. That marked their preparation for the victorious war of Kurukshetra. Invoking these inspiring memories, theShami tree is worshipped on this day.

well here's 1 more legend - Demon Mahishasura performed severe penance and became immortal and ruler of all three worlds; heaven, earth and the nether-world. Gods became powerless. As per Lord Vishnu‛s advice, they parted with a portion of their divine powers to form into a new physical form – Goddess Mahishasura Mardini. Literally “Mahishasura Mardini” means destroyer of Mahishasura. Thus Goddess Mahishasura Mardini took a physical form as the combined might of all Gods. She killed the demon Mahishasura after a ceaseless fight of nine days and nights.

Thats what i call choice ;-)

With legendary differences, celebrations also has 2 vary.

So there are places where Ram Leela (i.e., enactment of Ramayana) takes place in public places for 9 good days and it's a delight to watch the enthusiasm of performers and the viewers.
Some people keep toys at home (typically people from Tamilnadu and Karnataka) which is decorated in steps, each of it narrating a story.
Some people worship the things that earn them bread and help their living (one can call it the thanksgiving day of India)..
some people buy gold or property (moveable or immovable), invest as it is beleived to be auspicious...
some people worship books and kids start their education frm this day
some dance in traditional way (called gharba or dandiya) n often commercialised and popularised by celebrities

the list may sound endless..but the key thing that binds it, is the spirit that is electrifying, the blend of culture n co-existence n a visual treat as one can feel and see the joy transcends into many lives.

how culd v miss the band wagon...we had a party at ajay n deepa's place in our own special way..a very well chalked rangoli, lighting of diyas, the traditional kurtas (4 men) n sarees (4 women)..puri shrikhand, sheera fusion of celebration and an absolute unmatched spirit.

Fotos 2 feast

It's called the mindset

Waqt Nahin

When did we last speak to our closest friend or meet up with parents or lived a day without using the mobile phone..we seem to be wanted almost by every1 at every1 time..keeping us the busiest soul on earth.
Here's one for all the busy soul's

Har khushi Hai Logon Ke Daman Mein,

Par Ek Hansi Ke Liye Waqt Nahi.

Din Raat Daudti Duniya Mein,

Zindagi Ke Liye Hi Waqt Nahi.

Maa Ki Loree Ka Ehsaas To Hai,

Par Maa Ko Maa Kehne Ka Waqt Nahi.

Saare Rishton Ko To Hum Maar Chuke,

Ab Unhe Dafnane Ka Bhi Waqt Nahi.

Saare Naam Mobile Mein Hain,

Par Dosti Ke Lye Waqt Nahi.

Gairon Ki Kya Baat Karen,

Jab Apno Ke Liye Hi Waqt Nahi.

Aankhon Me Hai Neend Badee,

Par Sone Ka Waqt Nahi.

Dil Hai Ghamon Se Bhara Hua,

Par Rone Ka Bhi Waqt Nahi.

Paison ki Daud Me Aise Daude,

Ki Thakne ka Bhi Waqt Nahi.

Paraye Ehsason Ki Kya Kadr Karein,

Jab Apane Sapno Ke Liye Hi Waqt Nahi.

Tu Hi Bata E Zindagi,

Iss Zindagi Ka Kya Hoga,

Ki Har Pal Marne Walon Ko,
Jeene Ke Liye Bhi Waqt Nahi.....

Positive self talk

This is not an article written by me, but some1 send it to me as a forward. I really liked it and have put it.

Positive self talk
I remember my dad teaching me the power of language at a very young age. Not only did my dad understand that specific words affect our mental pictures, but he understood words are a powerful programming factor in lifelong success.

One particularly interesting event occurred when I was eight. As a kid, I was always climbing trees, poles, and literally hanging around upside down from the rafters of our lake house. So, it came to no surprise for my dad to find me at the top of a 30-foot tree swinging back and forth. My little eight-year-old brain didn't realize the tree could break or I could get hurt. I just thought it was fun to be up so high. My older cousin, Tammy, was also in the same tree. She was hanging on the first big limb, about ten feet below me. Tammy's mother also noticed us at the exact time my dad did. About that time a huge gust of wind came over the tree. I could hear the leaves start to rattle and the tree begin to sway. I remember my dad's voice over the wind yell, "Bart, Hold on tightly." So I did. The next thing I know, I heard Tammy screaming at the top of her lungs, laying flat on the ground. She had fallen out of the tree.

I scampered down the tree to safety. My dad later told me why she fell and I did not. Apparently, when Tammy's mother felt the gust of wind, she yelled out,"Tammy, don't fall!" And Tammy did... fall. My dad then explained to me that the mind has a very difficult time processing a negative image. In fact, people who rely on internal pictures cannot see a negative at all. In order for Tammy to process the command of not falling, her nine-year-old brain had to first imagine falling, then try to tell the brain not to do what it just imagined. Whereas, my eight-year-old brain instantly had an internal image of me hanging on tightly.

This concept is especially useful when you are attempting to break a habit or set a goal. You can't visualize not doing something. The only way to properly visualize not doing something is to actually find a word for what you want to do and visualize that. For example, when I was thirteen years old, I played for my junior high school football team. I tried so hard to be good, but I just couldn't get it together at that age. I remember hearing the words run through my head as I was running out for a pass, "Don't drop it!" Naturally, I dropped the ball.

My coaches were not skilled enough to teach us proper "self-talk." They just thought some kids could catch and others couldn't. I'll never make it pro, but I'm now a pretty good Sunday afternoon football player, because all my internal dialogue is positive and encourages me to win. I wish my dad had coached me playing football instead of just climbing trees. I might have had a longer football career.

Here is a very easy demonstration to teach your kids and your friends the power of a toxic vocabulary. Ask them to hold a pen or pencil. Hand it to them. Now, follow my instructions carefully.

Say to them, "Okay,try to drop the pencil." Observe what they do. Most people release their hands and watch the pencil hit the floor. You respond, "You weren't paying attention. I said TRY to drop the pencil. Now please do it again." Most people then pick up the pencil and pretend to be in excruciating pain while their hand tries but fails to drop the pencil. The point is made.

If you tell your brain you will "give it a try," you are actually telling your brain to fail. I have a "no try" rule in my house and with everyone I interact with. Either people will do it or they won't. Either they will be at the party or they won't. I'm brutal when people attempt to lie to me by using the word try. Do they think I don't know they are really telegraphing to the world they have no intention of doing it but they want me to give them brownie points for pretended effort? You will never hear the words "I'll try" come out of my mouth unless I'm teaching this concept in a seminar.

If you "try" and do something, your unconscious mind has permission not to succeed. If I truly can't make a decision I will tell the truth. "Sorry John. I'm not sure if I will be at your party or not. I've got an outstanding commitment. If that falls through, I will be here. Otherwise, I will not. Thanks for the invite."

People respect honesty. So remove the word "try" from your vocabulary.
My dad also told me that psychologists claim it takes seventeen positive statements to offset one negative statement. I have no idea if it is true, but the logic holds true. It might take up to seventeen compliments to offset the emotional damage of one harsh criticism.

These are concepts that are especially useful when raising children.

Ask yourself how many compliments you give yourself daily versus how many criticisms. Heck, I know you are talking to yourself all day long. We all have internal voices that give us direction.

So, are you giving yourself the 17:1 ratio or are you shortchanging yourself with toxic self-talk like, " I'm fat. Nobody will like me. I'll try this diet. I'm not good enough. I'm so stupid. I'm broke, etc. etc."

If our parents can set a lifetime of programming with one wrong statement, imagine the kind of programming you are doing on a daily basis with your own internal dialogue. Here is a list of Toxic Vocabulary words.

Notice when you or other people use them.

Ø But: Negates any words that are stated before it.

Ø Try: Presupposes failure.

Ø If: Presupposes that you may not.

Ø Might: It does nothing definite. It leaves options for your listener.

Ø Would Have: Past tense that draws attention to things that didn't actually happen.

Ø Should Have: Past tense that draws attention to things that didn't actually happen (and implies guilt.)

Ø Could Have: Past tense that draws attention to things that didn't actually happen but the person tries to take credit as if it did happen.

Ø Can't/Don't: These words force the listener to focus on exactly the opposite of what you want. This is a classic mistake that parents and coaches make without knowing the damage of this linguistic error.

Examples:

Toxic phrase: "Don't drop the ball!"

Likely result: Drops the ball

Better language: "Catch the ball!"

Toxic phrase: "You shouldn't watch so much television."

Likely result: Watches more television.

Better language: "I read too much television makes people stupid. You might find yourself turning that TV off and picking up one of those books more often!"

Exercise: Take a moment to write down all the phrases you use on a daily basis or any Toxic self-talk that you have noticed yourself using. Write these phrases down so you will begin to catch yourself as they occur and change them.

Being defeated is often a temporary condition, giving up is what makes it permanent.

Crazy Lamhe (moments)

At times, I wonder where did all the entrepreneurial skills, displayed during days of schooling, disappear. Here are some reasons to believe that these existed in the past -

1. Empathy - First crush was in grade 3, saw a girl cry n started liking her.

2. Innovation and Passion to excel - Though the concept of bunking lectures has existed since time immortal, i just redefined it by practicing it from grade 6. n what more.

3. Early mover advantage – If not the first person, would have been one of the few athletic people who run away from the school even jumped high walls at times.

4. Good Listener and a mentor – My grandfather was my mentor who used study aloud for me. Imagine taking tests without studying otherwise.

5. Build Stakeholders Confidence - People somehow had the confidence that I displayed the quality of becoming a doctor, so what if it was for my handwriting.

6. Thinking out of the box - Many discoveries came during schooling - participated in many games that i never knew to play, practice always gives you a valid reason to be out of school.

7. Follow your own path / Experiential Learning – When the entire class would try to do an experiment described in the text, I used to do some of my own. I discovered in the process of breaking some test tubes, water taps that not all experiments are successful, some of them fail.

8. Perception Management - Professors were surprised when I suddenly scored well, just that they had to ensure with a surprise test to believe.

9. Step into the shoes of customer - HSBC calls itself the world’s local bank - Provide people with what they want or they can relate to, rather than create a want for what is provided – This was the challenge during exams, as I had to get into the psyche of professors. Imagine answering a question on bi-products of milk that ran into 20 odd lines...with just 2 bi-products mentioned in the narrative

10. Managing relationships - Believe it or not, i was shy guy especially with girls around, may be till i was in 7th or 8th grade. Even my sister had to bribe me Cadbury’s Gems to stay back at her place.

11. Trust & Faith - Pre exams and pre results were some days i loved to be called devout as my faith quotient leaped few hundred points northwards.

12. Social Responsibility / Conserving Natural Resources– As a De-facto brand ambassador for “Go Green” concept, I contributed to conserving the waste of many pages spent in writing.

Well isn't that a good way to remember some moments and go on ego trail.